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Sophie Story Redux

I now have my once-a-decade confirmation that I am NOT A CRAFTY PERSON!

OK, so I open up the neat little bead-a-reptile kit and look over the written-for-someone-who-has-a-clue instructions. Finally I manage to translate them into some form of English I can understand...

First, unwrap this string stuff... Dawg! This has to be the gooiest tape on the planet! It's all over me and the NOOOODLE. Now there's an appropriate name for the cord! Like handling a wet noodle. OK, how much of this stuff IS there? 500 yards?! OK, step one: Get this lanyard dealy-flop fixed at the halfway point. STOP SLIPPING AROUND! Hmmm, maybe if I tie it, it'll stay put... whatever works! Now, slide a couple of beads up there, string the other side through the other way, pull tight. Hmmmm.. wait! This is only supposed to take 2 yards! OK, cut off the extra 498 yards.... ahhhhh, that's better! Now hold that in place while you string more beads on and slip the other side through the other way, all the while holding the previously placed beads in place with your 3rd hand and making sure the NOOOODLE stays tight with your 4th hand and.... OK, hold this end in your teeth while you pull that one through this end and loop back through half the beads you just strung... Be sure to keep the other side from slipping around sideways... Too tight? Too loose? Aren't they supposed to lay flat? Hmmmm, geckos are lumpy, right? OW! My fingers are starting to cramp up, but I can't let go or these things will turn sideways and the other loop will come out and I'll have to start all over.....

OK, I'm halfway done! Courage, Sophie! It's almost over!

(Repeat first half)

WHEW! It's finished! Hmmmmm.... why do its eyes keep rolling across its neck? SCRUNCH, SCRUNCH, SCRUNCH... Now its nose is sliding back across its eyeballs. Oh, look! How cute! It's crossing its legs!

Hey! This kit says there's enough here to make TWO of these critters! Who wants to make the other one?!! I'd do it, but I see the nice young men in their clean white coats have arrived. They're taking me to a happy place with BASKET WEAVING and..........

AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

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afterthought: I think we should have special parking spaces. You never know what might happen between the car and the store...the shorter the distance, the less the risk.

Maybe we could wear some sort of ID tag that sets off an alarm when we get too close to the craft aisles. They could set up barriers that pop up automatically and block our view of anything that might possibly tempt us.
. -"Special"Mae