Friday Funnies

Click the pic for more Friday Funnies

Texas Home Security System

HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM

1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with several empty beer cans, a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine and several NRA magazines.

3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim, I went to the gun shop for more ammunition. Back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls -- they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it but it was hard to tell from all the blood.

PS - I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside.

***************************************************

Kid's Little Instructions On Life

"Never smart off to a teacher whose eyes and ears are twitching." -Andrew, age 9

"Wear a hat when feeding seagulls." -Rocky, age 9

"Sleep in your clothes so you'll be dressed in the morning." -Stephanie, age 8

"Don't flush the john when your dad's in the shower." -Lamar, age 10

"Never ask for anything that costs more than $5 when your parents are doing taxes." -Carrol, age 9

"Never bug a pregnant mom." -Nicholas, age 11

"Don't ever be too full for dessert." -Kelly, age 10

"When your dad is mad and asks you, 'Do I look stupid?' don't answer him." -Heather, age 16

"Never tell your mom her diet's not working." -Michael, age 14

"Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat." -Joel, age 12

"When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone." -Alyesha, age 13

"Never try to baptize a cat." -Laura, age 13

"Never spit when on a roller coaster." -Scott, age 11

"Never do pranks at a police station." -Sam, age 10

"Beware of cafeteria food when it looks like it's moving." -Rob, age 10

"Never tell your little brother that you're not going to do what your mom told you to do." -Hank, age 12

"Remember you're never too old to hold your father's hand." -Molly, age 11

"Listen to your brain. It has lots of information." -Chelsey, age 7

"Stay away from prunes." -Randy, age 9

"Never dare your little brother to paint the family car." -Phillip, age 13

"Forget the cake, go for the icing." -Cynthia, age 8

"Remember the two places you are always welcome-church and Grandma's house." -Joanne, age 11

"When you want something expensive, ask your grandparents." -Matthew, age 12